Pray Before Speaking

Big Mouth. Laser Lips.  Chatty Cathy.  All names I've been referenced by.

One day after leaving a friends birthday party I came home to tell my Mom that I wished God would make me talk less.  She then looked at me and asked "What happened"?  Not why. But what happened.  She knew immediately something had triggered that.  So I told her that some kids at the party had called me laser lips.  She then told me NEVER ask God to remove an attribute from  you.  That if God wanted me to talk less he would have given me that personality.  She then told me to think of all of the people that would LOVE to be able to say just ONE word.   She also told me that often there are people that want to speak up but fear prevents them from doing so.  She then said, but baby don't argue a sign board "Pray before speaking".  This made no sense at 8 years old.

Usually, as anger sometimes enters my mind I think about those words "Pray before speaking".  I've come to realize that in anger we say a lot of things that needn't be said.  And often times we don't even mean the words. . . we only mean the pain.  Well, let me speak for myself.  I often don't mean the words, I mean the pain that comes with the words.  In fact, I sometimes mean to insult people.  I sometimes MEAN to get folk perturbed.  However, with each day I'm learning to "Pray before speaking".  It is one of my most difficult tasks some days.  It's not that I have this twisted sense of pleasure from hurting people. It's that I hide behind a mask of "you can't hurt my feelings".  So my "armor" becomes a sharp edged tongue.  I know that words cut deeper than a knife.  So when you hurt me I start throwing words at you like I'm on a battle field fighting for my life.

The last few weeks have been challenging (today especially).  I really want to "Pray before speaking" but more often than not these past few weeks my lips and tongue have moved faster than my prayers. Yeah, gotta pray about that too.  But I promise there have been more attacks on my emotions than the law ought to allow.  And my defensive tongue has been on a crash course to hell.

So now I'm at the moment of "Praying after speaking".  Yes, I still need to "Pray before speaking" but things have been verbalized that need to be forgiven.  I don't mean you any harm.  But my tongue sometimes throws darts that my heart didn't form.

Waiting

I was having a conversation with my sister recently.  I was telling her how it hurts me to no end to be unable to fix folks problems.  Particularly those closest to me.  It always depresses me and gets me down in the dumps.  Well, she led me to this book (Christian Based). In the book the author calls the need to fix everyones problems as playing God.  I was sort of offended when she referenced this.  How is it that I, a Christian, A God Fearing Being, could be trying to play God.


Well, before I could react she continued to explain.  She explained that often times God places us in situations to exercise our faith.  And for us to trust Him to bring us out.  Unfortunately, when I try to step in and fix it I don't allow God to work.  It's not saying that God won't use us to help. It's just saying that we have to WAIT on Him.


Waiting.. . . there's that word.  That word that always sends my heart into palpitations.  Wait, that word that makes me queasy and uneasy.  Wait. . . .

• Isaiah 30:18
  And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.
• Isaiah 40:31
  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

Waiting . . . for me is synonymous with patience.  Neither of which I'm good at.  But I will continue to pray.  And I will begin to trust God to "fix it".  I don't doubt God's abilities.  I just sometimes get anxious. I don't like seeing sweat on the brows of those I love.  I want everybody to experience joy.  


A few days later. . . . .


I'm reading a completely different book. This one is on being liberated through submission.  Guess what the author talks about.  You guessed it.  She had the nerves to bring up that word WAIT.  So now I'm reading on in this book.  And the author discusses watching your spouse or children go through something and wanting to jump in and throw a life raft.  But you have to be willing to TRUST God because you can't PLAY God.  Wait!!!  So could it be confirmation.


Could God be telling me that people will love me even when its not my role to fix it.  See somewhere along the way I lost sight of what love is.  In my mind love means saving everybody from everything.  Because of previously unhealthy relationships with people I began to believe that if I don't fix it they will stop loving me.  Or I will disappoint them and myself.  Or that some strange way a resolve would never come.


I'm glad God sends people to speak to me.  I'm not promising that WAITING will be easy.  But I'm promising to exercise Faith.  Trust in God and WAIT on Him to tell me what to do.